Chapter 51

'A poor ending to my struggles'

01 During Heathcliff's absence that day, the two new friends settled themselves in the house, and I heard Hareton speak firmly to his cousin, on her offering to tell the story of her father-in-law's behaviour towards his father. He said he would not allow a word to be spoken to him against Heathcliff. It did not matter what Heathcliff was like; he would stand by him, and he would rather she would speak badly of himself, as she used to do, than begin on Heathcliff. Cathy got annoyed at this, but he asked how she would like him to speak badly of her father, and then she understood that Hareton was joined to the master of Wuthering Heights by ties stronger than reason could break—chains, made by habit, that it would be cruel to attempt to loosen. She showed a good heart, from that time, in avoiding both complaints and expressions of hate concerning Heathcliff, and admitted to me her sorrow that she had tried to raise bad feeling between him and Hareton. Indeed, I don't believe she has ever breathed a word, in her cousin's hearing, against her enemy since.

02 When this slight disagreement was over, they were friends again, and as busy as possible in their occupations of pupil and teacher. I came to sit with them, and I felt so comforted to watch them, that I did not notice how time was passing. You know, they both appeared to me, in some degree, as my children. I had long been proud of one, and now, I was sure, the other would be an equal cause of satisfaction. His honest, warm and intelligent nature rapidly shook off the clouds of ignorance and degradation in which he had been brought up, and Cathy's sincere praise encouraged his steady progress. His brightening mind brightened his face, and added spirit and nobility to its expression. I could hardly believe it was the same person I had seen on the day when I discovered my little lady at Wuthering Heights, after her ride to the rocks.

03 While I admired, and they worked on, evening came, and with it the master returned. He came upon us unexpectedly, entering the front way, and had a full view of the whole three, before we could raise our heads. I thought there was never a pleasanter or more harmless sight, and it would be the greatest pity to scold them. The red firelight shone gently on the two young heads, and showed their faces, lit up with the eager interest of children, because though he was twenty-three and she eighteen, each had so much that was new to learn and to feel, that neither appeared grown-up.

04 They lifted their heads together. Perhaps you haven't noticed that their eyes are exactly alike, and they are those of Catherine Earnshaw. The present Cathy has no other likeness to her, except a certain width of forehead. With Hareton, the likeness goes further, and at that moment it was particularly clear, because his mind was unusually active. I suppose that this likeness disturbed Mr Heathcliff. He walked to the fireplace, noticeably upset. He looked at the young man and took the book from his hand, glancing quickly at the page and returning it without any remark. He made a sign to Cathy to leave. Her companion soon followed, and I also was about to go, but he ordered me to sit still.

05 'It's a poor ending, isn't it,' he remarked, after a minute of silence, 'an unsatisfactory ending to my struggles? I turn all my energies to planning the destruction of the two families, and when everything is ready, I find that the will to act has disappeared! My old enemies have not beaten me, and now would be the exact moment to revenge myself on their descendants. I could do it, and no one could prevent me! But where is the use? It's not that I am showing generosity—I have lost the power of enjoying their destruction, and I am too lazy to destroy for nothing.

06 'Nelly, a strange change is approaching. I'm in its shadow at present. I take so little interest in my daily life, that I hardly remember to eat and drink. Those two who have left the room are the only objects that have a clear appearance to me, and that appearance causes me pain. About her I won't speak, and I don't desire to think. Her presence maddens me. He affects me differently.

07 'Five minutes ago, Hareton seemed a living picture of my youth. I felt for him in a variety of ways. In the first place, his extreme likeness to Catherine connected him fearfully with her in my mind. Not that this is his most powerful effect on my imagination, because what is not connected with her, to me? I cannot look down to this floor, without seeing her face shaped on the stones! In every cloud, in every tree, I see her! The most ordinary faces of men and women deceive me with a likeness. The entire world is a horrible collection of reminders that she did exist, and that I have lost her!

08 'Well, Hareton's appearance was the ghost of my undying love, of my wild attempts to hold my right, of my degradation, my pride, my happiness and my suffering ...

09 'But it is madness to repeat these thoughts to you!'

10 'What do you mean by a change, Mr Heathcliff?' I said, alarmed by his manner, though he was neither in danger of losing his senses, nor of dying. According to my judgment, he was quite strong and healthy, and as to his imagination, he had always from childhood had a delight in strange fancies. He might have peculiar fixed ideas on the subject of his lost love, but on every other point his brain was as sharp as mine.

11 'I shall not know until it comes,' he said.

12 'You have no feeling of illness, have you?

13 'No, Nelly, I have not.'

14 'Then you are not afraid of death?'

15 'Afraid? No!' he replied. 'I have neither fear nor hope of death. Why should I? With my strength and healthy way of life, I ought to remain on the earth until there is scarcely a black hair on my head! And yet I can't continue in this condition! I have to remind myself to breathe—almost to remind my heart to beat! I have a single desire, and my whole being is eager to realize it! I'm certain that it will be realized—and soon—because it has eaten up my existence. Oh, God! It is a long fight. I wish it were over.'

16 He began to walk restlessly up and down, murmuring terrible things to himself, till I began to believe, as he said Joseph did, that his conscience had turned his heart into an earthly place of torment. I wondered greatly how it would end.